I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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