mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My ATM looks so different sober.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
