I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
