It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
