i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
