Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
