standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
