Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
