Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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