eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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