3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So vagazzling was a success
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