It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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