anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Can I color on your dick again?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?