I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know