I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
