I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
