i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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