Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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