Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
