make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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