dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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