Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
