Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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