i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
