She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
