Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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