The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
