I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
