Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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