I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
