I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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