apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
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That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
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holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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