I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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