if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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