I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
