i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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