After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
