He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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