**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Duck Duck Cougar?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
