no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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