I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
