I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
