sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My penis needs a shock collar
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
