I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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