I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
