A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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