This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
