she woke up with a sticky ear
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
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You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
40s are totally the cure
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
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Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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