I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
