omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
