I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
