Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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