Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
