just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
