A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
