with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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