dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
