Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
