Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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