I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dick very happy bro
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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