Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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