She's JV to your varsity
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
