So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
