9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
