My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
my poor anus
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
