now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
