the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
