I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Randomize
