i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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